Progress

Dear stranger,

Two letters written by me, months apart.

7 months sober.

I'd like to say I'm doing better and that it's easier. I mean I think I'm doing better but when I look at it, like really look at myself. I can't with 100% say I am better. I don't feel the same level of happiness I used to. I don't feel sad or depressed. I just feel sort of numb. I have the same habits I used just in different ways. I still hate the way I am. I still have the same outlook on life that I did during my worst times. The only thing that changed it I'm not taking how I feel out on myself. So yes, I'm proud I haven't harmed myself in any way on purpose but can I really say I'm better?

11 months & 23 days sober.

I'm doing better than I was before. I wouldn't go as far as to say I don't still have thoughts or urges because I do but I know I have made progress. I can look back at videos and things I've written and I can see the difference. I can see I have gotten better than I was before. I still have a long way to go and baggage to deal with but I'm getting there and I can finally say I am proud of myself for making it this far all by myself.

-Blue