Older siblings

Dear stranger,

I'm not close to my brother. Though we use to spend so much time together, we have drifted apart. It has been years since I've had a close bond with my brother. We don't talk unless we are wishing each other happy holidays. When we were both young we had a lot of fun and I cherish those memories because as he became older and turned into a teenager he stopped talking to me. I know he was going through stuff and I don't blame him, not anymore but there was a time when I did. A time when I resented him for leaving me alone in that house and shutting me out but as a teenager myself, I now understand why he did what he did and why he was the way he was. I only hope I don't make that mistake with my younger sister as we are years apart as I am with my older brother.

Often I think of my brother at random times but mainly when I'm feeling overwhelmed about the future or about being a teenager in general. During those times I only want to talk to him, text him, ask him how he made it, and how he managed these feelings when he was my age. I type it all out asking for advice and seeking comfort from my older brother but I never send it because I'm scared, to be honest. We aren't close and I know deep down he would be there for me but I just can't seem to muster up the courage to send it. He's a grown-up, he has his own life and I'm just plain old scared. I wish I had that same bond I had with him when we were younger. I looked up to him and wanted to be him. He never knew how I resented him, no one in my family did and I was lucky enough to come to understand his actions but I'm scared that one day I will wake up and my little sister will resent me as I did with my brother only she won't come to understand it and she will forever hold that resentment in her heart. To all the older siblings out there with younger ones, don't worry. We understand why you had to leave and make your own path, if not now, later. Part of growing up is leaving and figuring out life for yourself and as a younger sibling seeing your older one leave without you can be confusing and we can feel hurt as if you have abandoned us but it's okay. You have to do what's best for you.

-Blue